1 cup crumbled bacon

1 cup grated cheese

1 cup chopped caramelized onion

Ugh.  Chopped onion.

Smells so good.  Tastes so good.  But ask this girl to chop onions?  Not so good.

Eyes start stinging, knife starts wobbling, confidence starts plummeting before the onion makes it out of the vegetable drawer.   I like onions.  They don’t like me.

“Kath, let me do that,” he never failed to not offer, but rather commanded, while seizing the blade out of my hands.  Believe me, I relinquished it and took off my sandals as I stood on holy ground.  Yes.  Whatever you say.  Please.  Chop the onion.

Now… I chop the onion.  It is scary.  And I’m not getting better at it.  So I do this: as I grip the handle, I situate my feet like a golfer ready to tee off.  I remind myself to respect the properties of a knife which sits on the throne of kitchen utensils.  I think, “Kath, you do not want to go to Urgent Care today.  Your kids are busy.  They can’t help.  Be smart.”  When it’s all over, I nearly faint with relief and promise I will never do that again.

Does anyone else talk to herself about onions?

I wish onions would chop themselves.  Then life would be amazing.  Life was pretty amazing with an onion chopper.   All the benefits of yum without the hazards of yikes.

Onions and me.  Whoosh!