Who can make a date of a trip to the grocery store?  To get milk and maybe carrots and bacon?  Bill can!  How does he do that?  This is how.

First he invites his wife, his date.  She says, well, OK.  Then he waits in the car, cools it down or warms it up and definitely cranks the tunes while she makes a bathroom trip.  He quickly, or not-so-quickly, says goodby to his phone call as she opens the car door, after all, this is a date.  He takes a not-usual route so he can point out so and so’s for-sale sign, or going out of business sign, or coming soon sign.  He may even treat her to a Home Depot visit first to pick up a… what-is-that?

Finally they arrive at the romantic venue where, and as a gentleman should, he grabs the grocery bags and grocery cart.  He thoughtfully asks his wife if they are in divide-and-conquer mode or stick-together mode so she doesn’t end up walking each and every isle to find him.  Twice.  But if he does get lost, she knows from prior dates she’ll find him kicking it up with the bulk foods manager or the meat manager.  He probably texted him in advance to ask if the hickory smoked bacon was in.  He feels pride when he thinks about his efficiency as a shopper.  Not necessarily a gabber.

She has learned that he prefers the self-check, by him SELF.  Please don’t help; that will potentially… scratch… absolutely ruin the date.  She realizes that this is when testosterone takes over.  It’s one of those territorial things… the scanner.

The best part of the date, and the reason she always says yes to the invitation, is when she steps up and holds onto the back of the cart while he pushes the front like a crazy man, then hops on too. Together they ride and whoop it up to the end of the parking lot, where the car is strategically parked, and attract everyone’s attention and giggles.  It is both thrilling and scary!  Like they could die, or at least do something really stupid.  But the shoppers wish they could be on such a date.  So it’s worth it.

Then the gentleman loads the bags, returns the cart, and so thoughtfully pumps antibacterial gel in her palm.  What a guy.

And that is how he does it.  How he did it.  How I would give anything for him to do it again.