I am past the middle of my life. In all that time, I have never lived alone. From my childhood family’s system, to my roomates’ routines and personalities, to my husband’s partnership – sharing, communicating, decision-making, preferring, yielding, overlooking… this stuff has shaped who I am. Until now. Who am I now?

One thing I know, people I grew up with, people I lived with, and especially my husband, spoiled me. Now, no one else takes the garbage out. No one else gets the mail, fills the tank, closes the windows, buys the milk, pays the bills, checks the gutters… only me. I’m being de-spoiled. I think. You don’t pay close attention to the small things until you’re the one to take care of the small things. And you suddenly appreciate the spoilers (like my son Jordan, who has been crowned king spoiler).

At first my bum got nipped. I fell behind. I didn’t know what to know. I couldn’t keep up. I didn’t even know with what to keep up. It’s time to change the filters? Oh. What does the red light on the dashboard mean? Oh. When was the expiration date? Oh. I owe a penalty fee? Oh. What service do you do for our house? Oh. We need that? Oh. There’s a key for that cabinet? Oh. I wonder where it is.

And now let me talk about embarrassing didn’t-know-things. I didn’t know much about our family trust, about our insurance policies, about our financial accounts, about our obligations, about filing tax returns. Spoiled! I love being spoiled.

I’ve always thought of myself as a responsible person. But responsibility climbed the ladder. Learning to live alone means learning responsibility. For everything. In a way, I feel smarter. I should have been learning this side of life when I was much younger. I should have been less assuming, presuming. At least I’m learning now. I’m growing up, finally.

My “rathers” prefer you-do-this and I’ll-do-that. Teamwork trumps aloneness. But for now, I think I know when it’s time to get the tires aired.