I’ve been here once before. This is my second go-around. Life is on repeat, and I’m on my first repeat. From last year: I recall the cross country meet field. I sit in the same section of the women’s Bible study. I circle round and round the vendors at the Honey Bee festival. I eat ice cream with littlebears while their parents hunt deer. I trapes through a pumpkin patch keeping track of possibilities. I remember. I’m last yearing it, this year.

I ask myself… How ya doing Kath? Is the earth still trembling underneath your boots? Is your vision still blurry with every step? Is your heart still a crumbly mess? Do you remember your last-year-self?

A gentleman asked me recently how the grief process was going for me. Such a thoughtful ask, but I have no way of knowing. I have no experience with this part of life. No reference. So I said, I’m not sure. I can say how the job is going or how the Bears are doing. I know all about jobs and Bears.

I am sure of this: go-arounds surround me with familiarity. Familiar feels stable…er. Familiar says, you’ve done this. You can do this again. Even through trembles, blurs and crumbles. God was there. He is here. Go around again with Him, Kath. Feel your familiar God around you.