I think I know that widows get delusional. I don’t mean we’re crazies holding fast to a false reality. True reality reminds us of our state minute by minute. What I mean is this.

I often imagine Bill walking through the door, and I tour him through the house he built and ask his approval on my arranging and decorating choices. I’ll have to catch him up on the new NFL rules and players. Next time I drive to pick up the littlebears from school, I’ll need to show him the shortcut. Oh and our kids got a new car because the truck was on its way out. He’s missed so much. Life just keeps going, and he’s lost track.

I met Nick, our HVAC guy. He’s been great to me. I wish you could know our neighbor Rob like I do. You two could talk the day away. I had to order new sunglasses. They’re blue because you like blue on me. Let me introduce you to my new Bible study lady friends. Did you know Cliff passed away? Oh whoops. You know that much.

The longer the time without Bill, the more he needs to know.

Please forgive this weirdness. I promise, I am in my right mind. But this husband, and sharing life with him, is all I’ve known for years and years. Everyday we caught up. We informed, expressed opinions, made discoveries. My mind keeps track of things he would want to know. I would want to tell him. The list is starting to get long.

When is he coming home?

Of the many bizarre tricks my mind has played on me over the last year, this one is the bizzariest. I’ll even admit that sometimes I tell him the latest news — out loud. Then I just giggle. That was silly. At least no one heard me.

I do ask Jesus to tell Bill that I love and miss him. I don’t think that’s so silly. Jesus knows we miss each other. I am anything but delusional when I track that news.