Just because your husband dies, your marriage doesn’t.  Your marriage has been, and is still, very present. Love doesn’t die.  In my case it’s grown deeper. The space you inhabited together, the town, the environment – it all lives. Actually, I don’t want it to disappear, I want to hold on for awhile. Maybe that’s why I wear his flannel shirt occasionally, why I play his music, why I wear my wedding ring. I know time will release my hold, but I’m not anxious.  I will be married and remember for awhile.

During this past year, I read an article about ways to honor your deceased spouse. Several things were suggested like plant a tree, create a photo album or light a candle. What do you know, I had already applied a suggestion without thinking about honor. I suppose it was a natural course of action for me… honoring Bill.

My daughter-in-law had given me a necklace, a mustard seed and mountain necklace representing Matthew 17:20-21:  “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.” She and I wore this necklace every day during my husband’s illness. Our hope is in God, no matter what. Then when Bill left me, I added his wedding ring to the necklace. His ring and my ring are alike.  Carved doves from gold reminded us that the Holy Spirit is the center of our lives.  I continue to wear the necklace because in my heart, for now, I am still married to this perfect-man-for-me. As I put it on, I thank God for giving Bill to me and for our years of marriage.

Kaela wears her necklace too.  She chose not only to honor him alongside me, but to love me while I linger in my beautiful marriage.  Honor on top of honor.