A slice of pumpkin pie. Just a sliver please.

The holidays are here. Family is just ahead. Smiles and food and gifts. Puzzles and games and chatter. Grown-ups and children and pets.

And heartache.

It’s such a problem. I want to join in, to take it in, to submerge in… the middle of it all. Oh, but my heart, it’s getting in the way. It can’t find the smile. It doesn’t want to find the corner puzzle piece. It can barely hug back. Please forgive limp arms that can’t seem to hold anything.

Little pains accompany the big pains. Making a monster pain. She won’t to talk to me. He disabled me. Nobody understands me. Most are made-up pains, but that’s what my brain does best… pretends.

Then my littlebear calls from across the miles. Tears roll. “Should I call you back?” “No. Jesus knew I needed your call. Thank you. I love you.” We talk littlebear talk. We remember Grandpa and holidays with him. My littlebear wears his oversized shirt and claims his favorite Thanksgiving desert. My littlebear keeps grandpa in his holiday heart. And… he helps me find a sliver of joy. I’ll take a sliver please. Oh for only a sliver.